I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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