Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Two words: blizzard sex
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
