Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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