The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
