if i can run in heels then i can drive
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
