What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
