she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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