problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
