I just pynch a tree in the face
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
