and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
