I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we made out on top of his cat.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize