I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just saw a hot homeless man
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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