Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
