I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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