raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
