New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
