Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
