Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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