I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
