so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
