I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
