Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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