I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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