There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
