Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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