Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
