I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize