the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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