I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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