Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
