just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize