i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
