I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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