oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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