can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
