Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
