help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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