Where did you get a picture of my penis
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
