That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
