gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm sobbing to NWA
did i just pee glitter
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
