they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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