PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
