Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The adults are the big ones right?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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