i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
