Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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