I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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