Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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