Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
