This is not my ceiling
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
