I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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