well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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