i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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