Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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