Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
