Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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