By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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