you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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