I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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