Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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