I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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