I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
