Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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