the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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