Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
