every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
