Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
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