I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
