so that wasnt chicken after all
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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