Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
