I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
