i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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