His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
