you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
