I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Your penis caused this!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
