so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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