So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
