He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
