why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
