There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
