If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
