The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
