Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize