I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
