So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
