i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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