"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize