Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
