I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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