Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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