Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
