You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
