even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize