It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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