It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize