apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
