why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Barsexuality is the new black.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
