Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
