I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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