i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
