my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
