what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
