I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize