would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
