Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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