At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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