i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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