Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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