so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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