the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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