im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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