Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
