The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
