You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
