kristin has been a bad kristin
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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