I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
