Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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