yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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